3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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