it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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