Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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