I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
