I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
