the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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