whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
