Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
