OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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