Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
