all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
