My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
