We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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