dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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