You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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