If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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