sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
