I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
this beer tastes like vomit already
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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