Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
