you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
