ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
