Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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