i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
