Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
