I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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