im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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