Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
