I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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