She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
