I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
