It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
