Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
