He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Drake has all the answers
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
