she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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