I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
