It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
