is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
