are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
