Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
