im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
