I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
