babies were throwing up all over the place
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
