So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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