I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
