thus making me awesome and them whores
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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