he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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