your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
