before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
