There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
