Pappa wants mamma naked
It was confusing and full of hummus
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
